Coming Soon To a Grocery Store Near You.

Martha Stewart is branching out again. This time she is aiming for the grocery store shelves. She has signed a deal with Hain Celestial Group, Inc. to produce poultry, baking mixes and dry pastas. It will be interesting to see how well this line will be received. Of course, she is not the first celebrity to put her name on a food product. Paul Newman, Paula Deen, Rachel Ray, Wolfgang Puck, Emeril Lagasse, and Jimmy Dean are just a few of the celebrities whose names can be found on a wide assortment of products.

When it comes to Martha there are many who love her and many who hate her. Personally I don't care either way. From what I have read about her I get the impression that she is demanding and can be brusque. She sounds like several bosses that I have had. Will I buy any of her food products? Probably not. Not because her name is on it but because I buy according to price, not brand. If I want something in a category that she is selling and the price is right, I will get it.



I was called to the office last night. I was almost sure why I was being called, but one of my friends told me as I was going there "It was nice working with you." We joke about that a lot. It was time for my annual evaluation. My anniversary date is December 31. They try to get the evaluation done a month ahead. It was a very good one, and when I reach the anniversary date I will be getting a raise.

Last Kiss.

I have mentioned before how much I enjoy reading comic books. There are many genres that can be found in comic books. If you think they begin and end with super-heroes you have never been exposed to comics. I like almost every different type, but I never bought or read any romance comics. Romance comics have disappeared today, but I have found one that I actually enjoy. The title of it is Last Kiss. It is written by John Lustig, who worked for Disney for over 20 years. John bought the rights to a romance series. He took out the words and replaced them. The results are hilarious. Three times a week a new panel is released. I am giving you three examples here. If you like what you see, check out the Last Kiss website.

The Insanity Is Over For Another Year.

When you work retail there are two days that no one looks forward to. One is inventory, the other Black Friday. The physical work is harder on other nights, but on those two it is more draining. Last night I was given 3 helpers in dairy and told we had to be done by midnight. I let two of my helpers go at 11:00 and the other at 11:15. I finished up at 11:30. At that time there were already more people in the store than normal. I was told to relieve one of the people who was pulling pallets to the floor. In 15 minutes I was able to get one whole pallet taken to the other side of the store. There were just too many people in the way. By then the person that I relieved got back from break and I was given a much better job. The merchandise that went on sale at 5:00 A.M. had been put on pallets, shrink-wrapped with black plastic, and put on an empty truck trailer that was in grocery receiving. My job was to use our electric jack and pull those pallets off the trailer and others pulled them to the floor. That was much easier than pulling pallets through the growing crowd.

After that, my job was to stand next to one of the 5:00 A.M. pallets and make sure that no one got anything off it before it was time. Except for lunch and my breaks I stood around from 12:30 until 5:00. Then we cut the plastic and got out of the way. The pallet I was by had cords for HDTV's and TV wall mounts. Surprisingly there was no one grabbing for those. Next to that was the RockStar set for PlayStation 3 and X-Box. That was a hot item, especially the X-Box version. For the most part it was an orderly crowd. I didn't see any pushing or shoving. Of course I wasn't in the whole store. If anyone tells me about any I will write about it tomorrow. The rest of the morning was spent condensing displays down and clearing the floor. I came home exhausted. That standing around is for the birds. Tonight I am back to my regular routine. I look forward to that.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Happy Thanksgiving to you all. I will not be eating a large meal today. Personally I don't eat turkey anyway. To repeat my long standing line, I don't eat turkey because I don't believe in cannibalism. What is sad, I have had to explain that line more than once.

I will go in to work at 10:00 P.M. tonight to help prepare for the madness that erupts at 5:00 A.M. If you are one of the shoppers, remember to be nice to the retail workers you see today. If the merchandise you want is sold out, it is not their fault. Unfortunately not everyone realizes that.

Censorship.

If the subject matter of a book bothers you, is it your job to protect others from reading it? Annually, the last week of September is banned book week by the American Library Association. If you decide that something should not be read by your children, that is your right as a parent. However, you don't have a right to tell others what is right for their children. It is like the old joke, this is the condensed version, of a man in church listening to a very spirited sermon. He is agreeing with every point that the preacher is making, loudly shouting Amen with every point. Then the preacher rails against the demon alcohol. The man sits there stone faced. His wife whispers to him, "What's the matter?" The man whispers back "He's gone from preaching to meddling."

I had been planning on doing this post about banned books for over a month, but every time I got ready something else came up. A recent story however really drove this issue home. A couple of librarians in Kentucky were recently fired. The reason for it was they were trying to keep a graphic novel, The League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen: The Black Dossier, by Alan Moore and Kevin O'Neill, out of the hands of the public. I have read the first two League books and enjoyed them. I haven't bought this one yet, but I will very soon and I will review it when I do. When this book arrived at the library, one of the librarians felt it was a mistake. When she asked about it she was told it had been requested by a patron and was ordered. In her mind, this was an evil book. She claims she had people praying over her when she read it so the images wouldn't stay in her mind. Since the graphic novels are shelved near the children's section she was afraid it would be a bad influence on them. Since the board had approved the book, she came up with a plan so that no one could read it. She checked it out herself and continued to renew it. This plan worked until an 11 year old girl requested the book. Since a hold was placed on the book, it could not be renewed. Here is where the second librarian came into the picture. The second one canceled the request for the book. When the library board found out about it, both ladies were fired. The one has refused to return the book. Since I haven't read it I can't judge how suitable the book is for an 11 year old. Based on the two that I have read, I would say it is a little advanced, but if my child wanted to read it I would allow it. I would be discussing the book with them, to make sure they understood what they read.

As far as the librarians go, I have no sympathy. What they did was insubordination. I do not agree with all of Wal-Mart's policies, but as long as I accept a paycheck from them I will abide by their rules. I will give the librarian credit for actually reading the book instead of blindly rejecting it. I do think being prayed over while reading was a little over the top.

It is too easy to be a sheep and go along with the rest of the flock. I do not want to base my opinion on what others say. I am a big boy and I can make my mind up for myself. If someone tells me something that I find hard to believe, I will look into it. After all, if someone misunderstands one word, the entire meaning changes.

The Adventure Of The Empty Freezer.

I awoke from my slumbers feeling very refreshed. I had a very stimulating dream concerning this very buxom wench, but alas, that is a tale for another day. I fully expected to break my fast alone, but much to my astonishment there at the table sat my good friend, Sherlock Holmes. The look on his face was one of absolute distress.

"Good lord, Holmes," I cried. "Whatever is the matter? Are you ill?"

Slowly Holmes raised his head and looked at me. "Good morning, Watson," he mumbled. "I am afraid that I am not at my best this morning.'

"Is there anything I can do?"

"No Watson. There is nothing that is within your powers to rectify this situation."

"Well, then at least tell me what it is all about."

"Very well. As you know, normally I am an early riser. After I have my nourishment I am ready to do battle with the criminal element. This morning as I looked upon the plate Mrs. Hudson sat before I immediately detected something amiss."

"Mrs Hudson. Where are my Eggo's?"

"I am terribly sorry Mr Holmes. They did not have any at the market."

"I did not want to embarrass our landlady. I deduced that she had simply forgot to get them when she did the shopping and used that as an excuse. I took it upon myself to go to the market and make the necessary purchases. As you know, without my Eggo's to start the day my mental processes are diminished."

"I knew that Wiggins, the former head of my Baker Street Irregulars, was a clerk there. I discussed the matter with him and he assured me that there were none to be found. He offered to take me to the back so I could see for myself. After personally observing the baleful looking, Eggo-less freezer, I pondered what could have happened to those wonderful toaster treats. Of course I speculated that Professor Moriarty could be behind this dastardly deed. My next step was to have investigated that angle, but before I left the market that plan changed. There, standing before the display doors, was none other than Colonel Sebastian Moran."

"Holmes. I should have guessed you were behind this outrage. I always knew you were devious but stooping this low? I am appalled. To deprive the Professor of his Eggos is simply going too far."

"Ah, Moran, you misjudge me. I am here inquiring into the same thing."

Without another word Moran stalked out of the market. I asked Wiggens if he knew why there were no Eggo's. He went and got the market manager who explained the situation to me. It seems that are two main factories in the States that manufacture them. One in the state known as Tennessee is putting in new equipment. It is taking them longer to install the machinery than planned. It would not have been a problem except for their factory in the state of Georgia was flooded.

"So Holmes, what are your plans now?"

"Well Watson, I believe I am going to start a study of bees. I have been considering what to do in my latter years and I think that may prove interesting. Now that I know Moriarty is also impaired I can afford the time to rest. Wiggins has assured me that he will call immediately upon the arrival of a new shipment. After that, I will figure out how to bring the Professor down."

Holmes then left the room. I smiled, trying to imagine Holmes as a beekeeper. What a preposterous idea.

Rest In Peace Uga VII.

Sad news this morning. Uga VII, the mascot of the University of Georgia, died yesterday. He was only 4 years old. I am not a big Georgia fan, but one of my favorite writers, Lewis Grizzard was. One of my favorite stories of his involved Uga and two of his characters, Bubba and Earl. This is transcribed from Lewis Grizzard's Greatest Hits.

“Got to tell the dog story. There’s somebody left who hasn’t heard the dog story.

We are playing Auburn. Sanford Stadium. National Television. Winner wins the Southeastern Conference; goes to the Sugar Bowl.

85,000 people jammed into Sanford Stadium. National television audience. This game is on the Armed Service Network. People in Switzerland are seeing this ballgame. Going everywhere.

The band cranks up “Glory, Glory to Ole Georgia” and our team comes running out. 85,000 stand as one.

We are led by our gallant mascot, Uga-U-G-A. What a dog! What a gorgeous dog. What a symbol of ferocity. But UGA ain’t real smart. Uga did not realize he was at a football game. Nor did he realize he was on national television, and was going into living rooms the width and breadth of this great nation.

And there, in front of all them people, he began to lick himself where dogs occasionally want to lick themselves, OK?

We don’t have to get any more graphic than that.

Bubba an’ Earl sittin’ on the fifty.

Bubba sees the dog, punches Earl and said, ‘Earl, look at that dog. Dad-gum, I wish I could do that.’

Earl said, ‘ Bubba, that dog’ll bite you!’”