Saturday, June 5, 2010
10 years ago today my life was turned upside down. I wrote in depth about it two years ago and you can read about it here. One thing that I want to stress is I am not writing about this looking for people to feel sorry for me. Death is a part of our lives and you have two options, bury yourself in grief or move forward. I am going forward and am enjoying life.
Subconsciously however, this year it has been more on my mind than in the past. I mentioned a couple of weeks ago that I was having a major case of writers block. This is what caused it. I really wasn't aware of it until I took the time to analyze it. So why is it bothering me more this year? I believe it is because this is the tenth year. There is something about every 10 that makes it more significant. One of Jack Benny's long time gags was that he was 39 years old, never turning 40. The older he got the funnier the joke was, but to some it is no joke. Considering the alternative, I would rather get older.
One of my favorite Harry Chapin songs is called There Only Was One Choice. Unless you are a Harry fan you probably have never heard it because it is a 15 minute song. One of my favorite lines from the song is:
I have a problem with my aging
I no longer can ignore
A tamed and toothless tabby
Can't produce a lion's roar.
We all know there is only one outcome to life. When younger we feel we are indestructible and don't worry about it. As we age we begin to accept the inevitability of it. I have debated with myself as to which is harder to deal with, the suddenness of death like with my wife, or the waiting for the inevitable like with my Dad. Neither is easy but life does go on for the rest of us. There is a period of intense grief, but then you have to move forward. I know people who can't do that. My wife was like that after her dad died. I focus on the now, with occasional side trips like what I have experienced recently. One message I have continually spread is let those you love know how you feel. You really don't know when you won't be able to do so anymore.
My plans for today is to keep myself busy and not be home until I am ready to collapse into bed. I am going to one of my favorite places in Georgia, the Chicamauga Battlefield. I love history and that is a great place to go and be alone with your thoughts. To those of you who read this I want you to know that I really do appreciate you. We may have never met but I consider you all good friends. Have a great day. I plan to.