Wednesday, January 9, 2008

I should have seen it coming.

The signs were all there. We barely talked any more. I worked third shift and she did not have a job. When I came home in the mornings she was in bed. When I went to bed she got up. On my days off I had to leave the apartment for 3 hours. The reason given was she was dancing every night for exercise and she was too embarrassed to do it in front of me. Before when I went to pick up anything she went with me. Now she rarely left. Phone calls were taken in the bathroom. Reason given: the calls were from her sister and her sister did not their conversations overheard. She had always told me I would not have to work 2 jobs. I didn't want to either, but she was putting in applications and getting no responses. She had a very spotty work record and that went against her. I started working part time at Taco Bell as well as full time at Wal-Mart. Like I said, the signs were there.

In late October I was on vacation. I still had to leave each night. On the second night I was supposed to leave around 11:00 PM like I always did. I had fallen asleep and she woke me at about 1:30 AM. She told me I had been working so hard she wanted me to have the extra sleep. I returned about 5:00 AM and she wasn't in the front room. I thought she was in the bathroom so I went to talk to her. She wasn't there. Then I saw the note. It was taped to the computer monitor. Mainly it said that she had left to go live with a friend, that we were both unhappy and we needed some time apart. The first thing I did was check out what she had been doing on line. I quickly found out her friend was male, they had been planning this for at least two months, and they were engaged. The note did not tell me where in the country she was going, but I now knew it was several states away. The extra sleep I was 'given' that night was because the guys arrival was later. I began reviewing what had been going on and the truth slapped me in the face. How stupid could I have been? (That is a rhetorical question. You don't have to answer. I know the truth.) I now put all the signs together and saw the truth of what had been going on. Was I mad? Of course I was, who wouldn't be. More than angry though, I was relieved. I knew the relationship had been over for some time. She had no where to go, or so I thought, so I had resigned myself to making the best of it. The biggest regret is that she did not tell me she was leaving. Had she told me that I would have helped her pack.

I did not hear from her for over two weeks. She called me and did not leave a message on my voice mail. I thought it was her but wasn't sure so I called back. When she answered I hung up. I didn't think I was ready to talk yet. She called right back and we talked. She apologized for leaving the way she did. She apologized for several things she had put me through during the relationship. I apologized for some of the things I did. The failure of the relationship was both of our faults. We have decided to remain friends. We will stay in touch. We even exchanged Christmas presents this year. I am sincere in wishing her the best for the rest of her life.

I could have written this as a hatchet job on her but the anger is gone. As I write this I am happier than I have been in a long time. My life is going well. After February 11 I am cutting Taco Bell back to 2 days a week. I had a goal I was aiming for and I have reached it. On Valentines day I am taking Greyhound to Illinois, where my parents are going to give me their old car. It has about 130,000 less miles on it than my car does. When I return home I am going to stop in Memphis, Tennessee where I hope to meet as many friends from the Captain Comics board as I can. After I get home this blog will be updated almost daily. I will be buying comic books again and I will be reviewing what I buy. The future is bright. I am looking forward to the adventure ahead.


Dr. Mike Parnell said...

Very mature and I am glad you got it "out of your system" in this way. Here's my hope that 2008 is your best year ever, Howard!

Howard Bagby said...

Thank you, Mike. It was very therapeutic writing about it.

Rob S. said...

I'm so glad to see you're emerging on the other side of this, Howard. You were absolutely right to wait about writing about this.

Good luck with the traveling!

J.Ball said...

That's a very healthy way to end an unhappy relationship. Kudos to you my friend. Travel safe and swift.


dsmcaron said...

Relationships can be difficult when we stop talking to each other.