Monday, December 22, 2008
What Really Happened.
Governor Blagojevich, Do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God.
Alright Governor. I understand you wish to make a statement against your lawyers wishes.
That is correct sir.
I guess that explains why he is sitting under the defense table muttering to himself.
That is correct your honor.
So governor, what do you have to say for yourself?
Your Honor, I stand before you today a victim. Yes a victim of a devious and dastardly plot plotted by that nefarious criminal mastermind, the Joker.
Yes, your Honor, you heard right. As you know a large portion of the film The Dark Knight was filmed in Chicago. One day while the filmmakers were in there I went to my office and found a playing card on my desk, a Joker to be specific. I picked the card up and immediately felt strange. I was infected by Joker venom. Now I realize that Joker venom usually kills whoever comes into contact with it, but I must have been given a new form of it where instead of dying I simply lost control of my actions. I have no memory of anything for over the past year. A short time ago I was given an antidote from someone who claimed to represent the Wayne Foundation.
The Wayne Foundation?
Yes, your honor. The one started by millionaire Bruce Wayne. Anyway, once I was given the antidote my mind cleared immediately. So you see, your honor, I am simply a victim of a plot to embarrass me and the citizens of the great state of Illinois. Now, Your Honor, if you can see fit to dismiss these charges and let me go I will make you my campaign chief for my Presidential bid in 2016.
OK Governor. Let me see if I have this straight. Your were a victim of the Joker and Bruce Wayne saved you. If I dismiss these charges than you will make me your campaign manager for your Presidential bid in 2016. Does that sum it up well?
Your Honor, I am pleased to say you have it.
Governor, if I were to run your campaign I would advise you to select Alicia Silverstone as your Vice President.
Alicia Silverstone? I don't understand, Your Honor.
Well Governor, if you thought I bought any of this story, you really are clueless.