Monday, March 2, 2009

More Dumb Crooks.

There were four dumb crook candidates this week.The first underestimated his intended victim. 29 year old Samuel Dallas Jarvis saw an opportunity to grab a laptop computer and a printer when a 75 year old man sat his down in front of a Best Buy. He was waiting for his wife to get the car and pick him up. Jarvis grabbed the items and ran. He only got about 8 feet away when his victim caught him and grabbed a hold. To make matters worse for Jarvis, a sheriffs deputy had just come out of the store and assisted in the take down. Not only was he charged with robbery, he was also charged with battery of a person over 65 years old.

Our second genius is a 19 year old would be car thief named Travis Lavar Fields. Fields forgot one major rule of car theft, don't leave any personal belongings when you abandon the vehicle. What did he leave? His drivers license. He had burglarized a house and stole a laptop and a woman's purse. Two days later he returned and stole the couples car. Since he had the keys it wasn't hard to do. Police were alerted immediately and found the car in the neighborhood. They staked the car out and caught Fields when he returned to it. As if he already hadn't implicated himself enough, he had used a credit card from the purse he had stole to pay two of his utility bills.

The third winner is 37 year old Raymond Gramby. Gramby stole two bottles of Olde English malt liquor from a deli. When the owner tried to stop him he pulled a knife and fled on foot. He was chased by police. When they arrived at Gramby's apartment another man answered the door and he was arrested. The police were going to take the man back to the deli for identification when Gramby stuck his head out a window and called out "You've got the wrong man, you idiots." The officers quickly rectified that mistake.

Finally, 31 year old Eric T. Ambrose came up with a novel reason for stealing. Ambrose was at a Pilot truck stop and took three packs of peanut M&M’S, two black T-shirts, a 20 oz. Bud Light and single packages each of Circus Peanuts candy, chewing tobacco, Wonka Nerds candy, Planters cashews, Reese’s Pieces and Sour Patch candy, plus two each of large Snickers candy bars and beef jerky packages. Ambrose denied taking anything, but his bulging pockets gave him away. He told officers that he had served in Iraq and therefore was entitled to steal all of the M&M's he wanted. They were not sure if he actually had a military record.
Al and Travis demonstrated they are much smarter than I am. Quebec was once called New France. Some nameless person was thinking Ontario. He has been ordered to start learning about Canadian things. He will start with the movie Strange Brew.

Today's question is Grade 5/Science.

The center of the atom, which contains protons and neutrons, is called what?
  • A) the nucleus
  • B) the electron
  • C) the molecule
Science questions are always my weak point, but this one I actually knew. 40-11.

4 comments:

Volly said...

It's (A).

Did you ever catch the episode of WKRP in Cincinnati, where Venus Flytrap teaches a high school kid about the parts of the atom, using street-gang analogies? Brilliant, a classic.

/v

Al Penwasser said...

Yes, it is A.
My favorite WKRP episode was when they tossed turkeys out of a helicopter for a promotion. "As God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly!"

Travis said...

I concur with the others A.

Howard Bagby said...

I haven't seen that episode with Venus. I have season one on DVD. I will get the rest when they come out. You can watch season one online, including the turkey episode at Hulu.com.